Wishing for the end…

Grief is difficult. It is most difficult for me now, because the end is not here yet, and I am begging for it to arrive now.

She has lived a long and full life. She is ready to go. Why won’t He just take her now?

If I am totally honest, I am angry with Him. Angry that it has taken this long, that she continues to suffer for what seems like no purpose at all.

I said my good byes. No more “See you soon”. I had to let her know that it was okay to go.

She can’t hear anymore. I do not know if she understood. But I had to say it.

I had to say that and so many other things.

I honestly thought she might be gone by the time I got there.

She was still there. Her shell anyway.

I thought that if I told her what I needed to say, and my Dad told her it was okay to go too, that she might slip off right then and there.

She is still here.

Why?